in service of the un-me
"Salvation and power are established!
Kingdom of our God, authority of his Messiah!
The Accuser of our brothers and sisters thrown out,
who accused them day and night before God.
They defeated him through the blood of the Lamb
and the bold word of their witness.
They weren’t in love with themselves;
they were willing to die for Christ.” (Revelations 12:9-12)
The illustration drawn here in the Book of Revelations is vivid. A war breaks out in Heaven. A Dragon invades the realm. Angels throw the Serpent down to the earth. Strong paintings of a celestial battle. And then, a voice that proclaims the Accuser has been defeated.
This is important, because we know - I know - what it means to fight the Accuser. I am daily being accused - my warts and inadequacies pointed out under the bright and burning lights, my mistakes highlighted and circled in gleeful red - and more often than not, I listen. The Accuser knows the words and allegations that weigh on my soul. It works. It hurts. It wounds.
Here, however, the Accuser is defeated. Accusations are hurled down to the ground by the work of Jesus, by the bold testimony of our lives and what we’ve witnessed, and because we were not in service of ourselves.
That last part: in service of the un-me. I shake my head, because that’s so hard. I live in a world that is build to help people serve their own self-interests, our own ego. We must let people know about ourselves, we need to drive and herd all the motivations behind our actions towards the me, consciously or unconsciously. I know - I am the guiltiest one. That is what I am accused of.
So much so, that the removal of this house of cards will send me crashing to despair. Who will serve me if not myself? How will I stand tall if I don’t prop myself as high as I can in a world where I need to survive, to thrive in? In this game of cut-throat survival, isn’t the me the most important animal of all? How else do we live?
That’s why this call is for those with such bravado, such abandon, such risk-fullness. The call to let our journey speak for itself, and to serve the un-me. Oh, to trust in the saving redemption of the One who has grace dripping through his veins, and who will prove more than adequate to give wholeness to our broken selves. And in this choice, miraculously, we find ourselves in Him. I find a freedom from accusations, and I find such a revelment in my identity as, simply, His. Free to serve others, to walk, to understand the life of the un-me. To find myself in Him.
Oh Father, I have periods of loneliness, of doubt, of blame, shame, strife. Yet, you’ve shown a better course - one where the Accuser is defeated, where my journey bears witness, where I love you more than my ego.
Oh, I’m so far from there. Let me walk this journey with you, learning to be your witness. Learning to not believe the accusations of who I am and what I’ve done. Learning to live in service of the un-me.